OneTrueFan

Sunday, June 2, 2013

The 'New" Texas Chainsaw Massacre
review by Deyandra Williams
 
On January 6, 2013, Leatherface lost his balls. Yep, I said it. I don't know what the 'vision' of Director John Lussenhop was, but it wasn't to stay true to the original story or to add anything new and vibrant to it. The plot is as follows: Shortly after the heroine and last surviving member escapes Leatherface and his family, the sheriff shows up to ask for the surrender of Leatherface.
 
After some thought, the family decides it is best to give him up. That's when the redneck mob shows up to exact some country justice. The family is burned alive, all except one.
 
Years later, it is revealed that the sole survivor of the clan is alive and well, having been kidnapped and raised by one of the members of the mob. Heather Miller (Alexandria Daddario) gives a great performance in this incredibly bad re-imagining as the cousin of Leatherface. After getting word of an inheritance of a huge mansion by a long lost grandmother, she and her friends, Ryan, Nikki, and Kenny, go off on a road trip to see what granny has given her.
 
Along the way, they pick up a hitchhiker, Darryl, and proceeds to the mansion. Although Heather has been given a very important note to read from her benefactor, she neglects to read it. So what ensues is the killing of Heathers' friends, and the discovery of what happened to Heathers' family long ago.
 
Okay, still with me? Sounds like a solid movie right? Right?
 
I thought so too, until I SAW the film.
 
First of all, Trey Songz is the main characters' boyfriend. I don't know about you, but putting a novice in a central role is well, dumb.  Secondly, when the movie picks up from the original, there are a few, well, discrepancies......
 
At then end of the final movie, the people that were in the house were Leatherface, the mother, the brother who was the Sheriff, the brother with the metal plate in his head, and the grandfather. That's IT. But apparently consistency wasn't a concern for the director or writer.
 
The movie picks up with at least ten people in the house with no sign of ANY of the original characters, and the Sheriff is NOT the brother. Then as the house is burning, a woman and a child, the aforementioned Heather, is in the garage. Where did she come from? The same black hole the other 'family' members did.
 
Then there is the chase scene through the carnival. A friggin' carnival.....
 
And Finally, there are the scenes that are so horrible, so gut-wrenching for me: Heather has been chained by some townsfolk and is in danger of being killed. Leatherface finds her while the two men are distracted and is about to kill her when he 'discovers' a mark of the family crest on her chest. He then frees her. That's right, he FREES her. WTF???? Leatherface has a soft side? Well I'll be a monkey's uncle.
 
Then after she hears him being beaten by the men who captured her, she goes back, grabs the chainsaw, and while throwing it to Leatherface, yells, 'Do your thing, cuz!" It's at this point in the movie that I was about to get up and leave, but I made a promise to you all to suffer through garbage like this so hopefully you don't have to.
 
Anyway, the last scene that almost brought me to tears: after all the murders and such, Leatherface and Heather go home where she reads her grandmother's letter stating that in keeping her inheritance, she is resigning herself to be the caretaker of Leatherface from now on. Yep, Leatherface is now a.......PET.
 
This wasn't the worst of all the Massacre movies, but this was a huge letdown. Leatherface should never be re-imagined as a watered down version of himself. He doesn't care if he's liked, he's Leatherface! What's next, Michael Myers finds out he has a kid? Decides to go home to raise him?
Nonsense.....pure drivel for the masses. This is not a film for true blue horror fans.